


If You're Still Breathing

by KurtsAnatomy (TheSwanOfWinterfell)



Category: Glee, The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, BAMF Kurt, Bisexual Character, F/M, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Polyamorous Characters, Shane Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2018-10-04 04:57:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10268786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSwanOfWinterfell/pseuds/KurtsAnatomy
Summary: "Somewhere along the way, I lost myself. In between almost having my leg torn off and being held hostage for three months, I lost sight of the person I'd carefully crafted myself into being. The person I wanted to be. And I don't know how to get him back."Kurt Hummel is a survivor of the apocalypse.For now.





	1. I Won't Fight It

The wind swept through the trees and Kurt Hummel shrugged his shoulders and let the shiver rip across his bare back. He was used to the cold by now, used to way it controlled him. The autumnal breeze had been lingering for, by Kurt’s predictions, a few weeks now. He had tried to keep track of the date, but had failed after only a few days. A lack of suitable sleeping arrangements had soon let that particular task fall flat. If Kurt had a dollar for every night that he had spent wide awake, clutching the blade of his knife, well…he would have to be able to count the days to know how much he would be earning.

He heard a low growl in the distance and rolled his eyes, groaning half-heartedly as he searched for the source of the noise.

Walkers.

People had different names for them. On his journey to find stable living, he had come across all kinds of people who called them “Biters” or “Roamers” or even “Zombies”. Kurt had first heard them called ‘Walkers’ so he had stuck with that. It seemed fitting, because they did walk. And that was what had made them so unnerving at the beginning. When the dead rose and began to walk, creep, towards him and he was never quite sure whether he was going to survive the coming onslaught. Of course, now, he had become a proficient fighter and could more than hold his own against the Walkers. It only took one sharp stab of his knife and they were dead. Well, if that was what applied to them. They were no longer going to eat his flesh after he disposed of them. That sounded better.

But Kurt was alone and that had never fared well for anyone in the new world they were living in. His own company was all he had had for weeks now, he presumed, since his last group weren’t smart enough to survive an attack on their camp. Kurt had stuck to the shadows, smearing himself in Walker blood to deflect his scent elsewhere. He often thought that was heartless in his survival, leaving them all to die without sharing his tactic. Then he would truly reflect on what had happened to him since leaving Lima, Ohio, and he would think himself smart for outliving everyone he had already known or met along the way. There was one girl who he thought might have lived through the slaughter, but he had soon discovered her mutilated body on the highway to wherever it was that he was going.

With the wind, came rain.

Rain was the worst for Kurt. It washed off the Walker blood while he slept, or tried to sleep at least. It became unbearable sometimes, especially when it was light drizzle that soaked through everything he owned. Heavy rain he could deal with, because one piece of correctly placed material deflected it well enough.

Kurt had two options.

  1. Dart into the woods and protect himself and his limited rations from the rain and himself from potential hypothermia, risking his life if a horde of Walkers smelled him.
  2. Stay exposed to the elements in the rain, wasting his food supply but staying in the open, where he would not be surprised by any Walkers.



It quickly became clear that Kurt would not have to choose either of those options.

In the middle distance, Kurt saw and heard something he never expected.

Trucks.

He hadn’t seen a truck since the very beginning, when he had used his father’s to escape the apocalyptic state of Ohio. He hadn’t gotten it very far after that, though. Even though he and his father had kept it in pristine condition, it was very archaic and was never supposed to be a long term solution to anything.

Kurt was in no fit state to run anywhere, so if the trucks wanted him, then that’s what they would get. Then he thought about it some more.

It was likely that the trucks were just passing to get to somewhere and happened to cross paths with him, but maybe they would have some food or some water that he could use. Better yet, a spare tee or a jumper that he could wear until he found some shelter.

So he flagged them down.

And in a series of bold and impulsive decisions that Kurt had made since the outbreak, this would be the one to have the most far-reaching consequences and would be the one that would determine his path to potential survival.

* * *

 

The trucks flashed their lights at him, grinding to a slow halt as they approached. Kurt sighed in relief that they saw him and smiled as two windows were being lowered. A hand reached out and signalled for him to approach. Usually wary, Kurt’s desperation took over and overwhelmed him as he rushed over to the trucks, which had stopped next to each other, leaving a gap in the middle through which Kurt would approach.

He looked up into the windows and saw two men, one middle-aged and greying slightly, the other a few years younger and blond. Kurt tried not to let his eyes linger on the latter’s facial scarring, but it was a hard task. The older man coughed, finally averting Kurt’s gaze.

“Look here, Dwight,” he said gruffly, “we done got ourselves a straggler.”

The other man, Dwight, nodded, grinning. “You know how he likes stragglers. Do we take him in?”

The older man shrugged. “Might be a nice fit for the boss. Got any bites, kid? Scratches? From the Walkers?”

Kurt shook his head. “No.” His teeth chattered uncontrollably, as was noticed by the two men.

The man raised an eyebrow, but nodded. “Get in. This truck, not Dwight’s, he’ll end up killing y’all.”

Kurt did not need to be asked twice and hurried around to the passenger side, climbing in and huddling up for warmth.

“Not want your seatbelt on?”

Kurt sighed. “I’ve risked death enough since this whole thing started to be afraid of dying in a motor accident.”

The man chuckled. “That’s a good way to look at things, kid. What did you say your name was?”

“I didn’t.”

“Smart,” he replied. “Names are intensely personal things. Considering I reckon we gonna be seeing a lot of each other, I’m gonna tell you mine. It’s Simon.”

“Kurt,” was his obvious reply. He had given fake names in the past, but he was tired of lying, tired of running, tired of everything.

“Sounds fancy. Your daddy a Cobain fan?”

Kurt shrugged. “About as much as everyone else. I never asked how I got my name.” It was something that Kurt had never thought about before. He never asked his father how his name had come about. His mother was long gone by the time he had even thought about how people’s names fitted them.

“You an orphan, then? It’s a common occurrence in a time like this.”

“For a while now.” Kurt didn’t want to go into any more detail than he absolutely had to. Information was power, even before the outbreak. Now it was the difference between life and death, quite literally.

“It sucks.”

“Where are we going exactly?” Kurt decided to ask.

Simon looked across at him briefly, then looked to Dwight before returning his gaze to Kurt. “Now that there’s something you’ll find out when we get there. It’s quite unlike anything you’ll have seen throughout this whole thing.”

Kurt laughed hollowly. “You’d be surprised.”

Simon smirked. “We all got those kinds of stories. Sometimes we share ‘em, sometimes we don’t. That much is up to you. But when we get where we’re going, you’ll make that decision pretty quickly. Depends on whether Negan takes a liking to you.”

Kurt stared at him blankly. “Negan? That’s where we’re going? You’re with Negan?”

Simon grinned. “So you heard of him? Not surprised. All good things, he hopes.”

Kurt tilted his head, remembering his last recollection of the name. “Probably not as warm of a reception as he’s expecting.”

“What exactly do you know about him?”

Kurt cleared his throat, slowing down the chattering of his teeth. “Just that he’s a force to be reckoned with. The guy I heard it from barely made it out alive when he met Negan. Almost lost both his feet for not giving up his gun.”

Simon nodded. “I remember that guy. Mouthy and too damn stupid for his own good. But I don’t think we’ll have that particular problem with you.”

“Is that so? And you just happen to know this how?”

Simon leaned across slightly. “Cause I’m Negan’s right hand man. Me and him got an understanding. We ain’t never let each other down. I know him better than anyone else.”

Kurt frowned. “From what I hear, Negan doesn’t take lightly to newcomers. I don’t understand why I’m not dead yet.”

Simon raised an eyebrow. “I was about to ask you that very same question. You got no shirt on your back and, from what I can see, hardly any supplies. And you’re on your own there. You must be something special to survive like that.”

“Just lucky, I guess,” Kurt murmured. Honestly, he didn’t know how he was still alive, either.

Simon clicked his tongue in response. “Ain’t no such thing as luck these days, Kurt. You either live or you get killed, that’s the only two ways about it. You’re alive, which means you’re capable. The Saviours need more guys like you.”

“Me?” Kurt asked, puzzled. “I’m barely reaching six feet tall and have the upper body strength of a six year old girl. Why would you need somebody like me?”

Simon shrugged. “It’s simple, ain’t it? We have _tons_ of guys built like tanks and taller than most folk. It’s the thinkers that we running low on. Ones that don’t immediately go for their guns.”

“Who says I’m not like that? In a world like this, you kind of have to be, right?”

“Not always. Killing gets the job done but it can also kill _you_ if you ain’t careful with how you do it.”

Kurt nodded, getting the idea pretty quickly. “Gunshots attract more Walkers and you’re soon to run out of ammo if you’re surrounded. I found out that quite soon after joining my first group after my friends died.”

Simon felt an unusual wave of sympathy and a little bit of empathy for the boy. “There ain’t anyone you know left alive?”

“All dead,” was Kurt’s simple reply.

Simon whistled. “Must be tough, kid. But you’re gonna get accustomed to life with the Saviours pretty quickly indeed.”

Kurt folded his arms, partly to keep the warmth in. “Who says I’m going to stay with you once we get there.”

Simon chuckled. “Well, now, Negan ain’t just gonna let you leave, is he? If you can be useful to him, he’ll keep ya. And I get the feeling you’re gonna be mighty useful to him.”

“Great, so I’ll be a prisoner.” _Again_ , Kurt thought, rolling his eyes.

“Not such. You’ll be a member of the group, just like everyone else. You’ll start from the bottom, yeah, but you’ll soon work your way up that ladder.”

“Not to digress, but is there something I can cover myself with? I might die of cold before we even get to Negan.”

Simon, keeping one hand firmly locked onto the steering wheel, reached under the seat for a blanket and handed it to him.

“That was there the whole time and you never thought to give it to me?”

“You never thought to ask?”

Kurt flapped his mouth open and closed. “Well, of course I did. I was just waiting for a break in the conversation. It’s uncouth to interrupt.”

“But you did anyway?”

“It was necessary,” Kurt countered, feeling like he was taking some sort of test about himself and his choices.

“So why is that my fault?”

Kurt gritted his teeth, hard. “I guess it’s not. Next time I’ll just ask for something I want.”

“Good. But you’d better not pull this shit with Negan. Be direct, be unapologetic. If you want something, it’s for a reason. No matter what you heard, Negan’s reasonable unless it threatens the safety of the Saviours. We got some business runnin’ around that ain’t good for our reputation, so we gonna put an end to it.

“You might wanna sleep until we get there.”

Kurt shook his head. “There’ll always be time for sleep. Either after surviving another day or when I’m dead. Might as well make the most of the world while I can.”

“Okay then. Don’t say that I didn’t give you the option.”

“If I make a choice, it’s entirely my own. Some people in this world think that they can blame everyone around them or even the damn apocalypse for their bad decisions. That’s the fool’s way out.”

“Glad you think so.”

“Where were you going before I flagged you down? Are you not still going to go there?”

Simon shrugged, accelerating into a stray Walker in the road, causing it to topple over the car and crash down to the floor, legs mangled irreversibly. Kurt stared apathetically back at it before turning once again to the driver. “Had some business to take care of. Negan wasn’t happy, so he sent us to deal with it.”

Kurt frowned. “Just the two of you?”

“You doubting us, boy?”

“How could I? I’ve never seen you in action. I’m just saying that a piece of business worth sending the right hand man out to deal with must be bigger than just two people on their own. Plus, there aren’t many people in groups of less than six nowadays. I’m a rare exception to the rule.”

Simon drummed his fingers on the steering wheel a few times, as though deliberating whether or not to tell Kurt the information. “One of our scouts got wind of a new group that’s threatening to take over and already has in some places. They don’t know about us yet, but rumour has it that they’re going to at some point. Dwight and I were on our way to check it out.”

“At night?”

“When else?” Simon retorted, making Kurt fall silent.

An uneasy feeling swept over the boy as he sat, his shivers reduced to minor spasms as he warmed up considerably. He didn’t quite know what was odd or wrong about the situation yet, but something was. And he hadn’t even met Negan yet. His gut told him that it was going to change everything. And it would absolutely right.

The truck grinded to a harsh halt, skidding through the gravel as Simon stopped at their destination. Or so Kurt presumed, he could have been anywhere. Surprisingly, it wasn’t so unsettling to be in the middle of somewhere completely random with a complete stranger. Not anymore. Not since the virus took its hold on the world.

“Come on, get out.”

Kurt blinked as he realised that Simon was speaking. “Can I keep the blanket?”

Simon grunted. “You want something that isn’t yours?”

“I’m being direct and unapologetic. I guess it’s better to ask permission than forgiveness later on.”

Simon smirked. “Sure, keep the damn thing, I don’t care.”

“Sure seems like you do,” Kurt whispered, unsure if Simon heard him or not. If he did, the man did not respond in kind.

Kurt stared all around him as the door slammed shut. The establishment would have been impressive even before the apocalypse given the size and effort of maintenance, but afterwards it seemed like a dream. Kurt supposed that was just due to the sheer numbers of the group of Saviours being able to handle its upkeep.

“This is your territory?”

“Pretty great, ain’t it? All this is ours. You’ll learn your way around quickly enough.”

Kurt was used to things changing with the rise and fall of the sun, but this seemed particularly hasty. “How did I go from walking in the rain to being an actual member of the Saviours.”

Simon stepped away from the car and began to walk towards the compound, gesturing for Kurt to follow. “Look, Kurt, things have only gotten worse since this whole thing started. More people are dead, turned, people we used to know and care about. And for you to be surviving on your own and still in good shape, that’s not something we come across a lot. I saw that instantly. This world ain’t what it used to be and we always need new hands, whether to fight or to keep us all alive.”

“Fighting doesn’t keep you alive?”

“Not half as well as being prepared. And as good as you might be, you wouldn’t be alive right now if you didn’t know how to prepare yourself for the Walkers. So many folks have been turned and shot because they thought their brute strength was the only thing they needed. Now you need to adapt, and quick, because if you don’t, you’ll be dead.”

Kurt snorted. “Sounds about right.”

Simon nudged his arm. “Negan’s not expecting us back so soon, so let me handle the talking. Just stay quiet unless he asks you to speak.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and mock saluted. Simon made a cutthroat motion with his hand and Kurt dropped his arm promptly. He wanted to stay true to himself but he didn’t want to die because of his foolhardiness.

They walked towards the entrance of the complex and banged on the gate. Within just a few seconds, a response was formed.

Kurt knew who he was before he even arrived around the corner.

The pregnant silence hung thickly in the air and it became charged with fear and tension. Kurt heard Simon gasp a quick breath before straightening his posture.

Negan walked towards him like a predator, boots clicking sharply against the ground. Kurt took in his appearance all at once. Overbearingly masculine, Negan presented himself with a dangerous elegance that Kurt figured was individual to him. His half-greying beard sat layered over his skin, only adding to the gruffness of his overall demeanour. His eyes pierced the vicinity like a laser, tuned and alert for anything that could be considered a hindrance. From the way Kurt analysed him, Negan hadn’t made up his mind about whether or not he was considered a hindrance.

Negan’s speed did not decrease until he was a yard away from Kurt and Simon. He glanced quickly at the latter and then turned to Kurt with a smirk.

“Well, well…what do we have here?”  


	2. A Proper Introduction

Kurt stared blankly at the man before he noticed it.            

The large baseball bat that hung around his neck. Barbed wire that wrapped itself thickly over it, coiled around it like a snake. It just screamed intimidation and Kurt knew very quickly that one false move would see him impaled on the end of it.

“You got a voice, boy?” Negan growled harshly.

Kurt’s eyes flickered dangerously to Simon, who held up a polite hand.

“Picked him up on the way to the group. Was on his own, he was. Shirtless, barely surviving in the downpour. Thought I’d bring him here.”

Negan raised an eyebrow. “Oh. I see. You saw a cute little twink and decided you’d make him yours for the keeping, now?

Simon coughed. “Ain’t like that, boss. Just thought he might be useful. He’s lasted this long in a party of one, thought he could bring something to the group.”

Negan, without even moving or say anything, reduced Simon to silence. Instead, he stared at Kurt with hungry, dominant eyes. “I see you’ve met Lucille.” His voice was the lowest Kurt had ever heard and he honestly didn’t know whether it unnerved or aroused him. Perhaps both.

“Who?” Kurt tried his best not make his voice clipped and apathetic, but ultimately failed.

Negan tapped the bat on the ground. “Lucille,” he repeated. “This beautiful girl right here. Hopefully you never have to meet her properly.”

Kurt simply stared. “I guess that’s up to you, isn’t it?”

Simon sighed and rolled his eyes but Negan just laughed.

“Kid’s got a mouth, Simon. Then again, that’s probably why you picked him up.” Simon said nothing and Negan turned back to Kurt. “I guess this makes you a Saviour now. Come with me, I’ll get you…acquainted.”

When Kurt didn’t move, Simon nudged him and pointed at Negan’s retreating form.

“Go,” he mouthed.

Kurt rolled his eyes and nodded, walking quickly to keep pace with the leader.

Negan didn’t look back to check that he was actually following, which was a sign of just how domineering he was. He didn’t question whether people would fall in line with him, he just knew that they would. Of course they would. Negan could decimate somebody with just a look, something that Kurt could respect and appreciate. It didn’t hurt too much that Negan carried around a metre long weapon wrapped in barbed wire.

“So how come a dainty little thing like you is on your own?” Negan asked abruptly, swinging Lucille by his side as they walked.

Kurt glared at him, deadpan. “Everybody else died. I didn’t.”

Negan whistled. “That is _rough_. Your entirely family, your friends, all dead?”

Kurt swallowed harshly. “Obviously. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been on my own.”

“There are plenty of reasons why someone would be on their own, kid. No need for the backtalk. Seriously, that kinda attitude gets you into trouble around here. Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of sass every now and then, but it’s better for you in the long term if you learn how to talk to people around here. I know, I know, you don’t think you’re gonna be staying here for too long, but you will. Trust me, once you realise how life is around here, you’re never gonna wanna leave. You don’t have to put up a front with us. The amount of times I’ve seen people unwilling the accept the life they’ve been given in favour of deluding themselves into thinking they’re still the same person they were before all of this would shock you. You just have to face facts. It’s not possible for us to be who were once were. We’ve all had to adapt. Be something new, something _more_. You got that?”

Kurt shook his head stubbornly. “I’ve already adapted. I’ve been through things I never even considered possible before the outbreak. I’ve changed. I was never like this. So I’ve already faced facts, Negan. And this is the end result.”

Negan stopped and turned to Kurt, eyeing him seriously. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, kid. It isn’t the end result until you’re lying dead between some trees somewhere with your guts spilling out. That’s when you stop adapting. Remember that. There’s always something you gotta learn about this new life. Just roll with it. And what did you say your name was? And before you say “I didn’t”, just remember that you’re gonna be here for what might just be the rest of your god damn life, so you’ll wanna make a good impression.”

Kurt stared, hard. “Kurt.”

Negan grinned from ear to ear. “See, now that wasn’t so difficult now was it? Nice to meet you, Kurt. I’m Negan. But you already knew that. What can I say? I’m a bit of big deal around these parts.”

“Modest, too, I hear.”

Negan chuckled. “No room for modesty in a time like this. You gotta seize the moment and love yourself.”

Kurt smirked. “You don’t seem to have any trouble doing that.”

“I know how to get by in this new world, that’s why. And, apparently, so do you. You came here alone and that’s pretty darn rare in these times. You usually find strangers banding together for survival. You not think of that?”

“I tried. They didn’t last very long.”

“So you left them to die?”

Kurt didn’t know which answer Negan wanted to hear, so he settled for the truth. “Yes. Why perish with the rest of them when I can live to see another day?”

Negan nodded. “Well aren’t you a little badass? That’s the stuff I like to hear!” He raised Lucille into the air triumphantly.

“Is there some kind of shirt or sweater I can borrow or something? This blanket isn’t really doing much to cover me.”

Negan halted in his tracks. “And what makes you think you’re entitled to ask for something like that from me? You’ve been here for five minutes.”

Kurt shrugged. “Simon said that I should be upfront about things that I want as long as they’re reasonable. I don’t see why clothing is unreasonable.”

Negan nudged Kurt into an alcove, hidden from view. “Putting more clothes on someone who looks like you is a crime punishable by death.” His low voice reached new lows as Kurt shivered. If Negan asked, he could pretend it was from the cold.

So that was how it was. Well, Kurt could play too. God knew he needed the practice.

“If your _minions_ could see you now…”

“You like an audience? That can be arranged,” Negan fired back. Kurt just smirked, impressed that he finally had someone to spar with. It had been far too long. It hadn’t happened since he was a captive and came across a particularly sassy guard. But he didn’t like to think about that if he could help it.

“I don’t think that’s in your best interest.”

Negan lowered his head so his warm breath ghosted along the back of Kurt’s neck. “And why is that?” he whispered into Kurt’s ear.

“ _Because_ I don’t think you’re the type of leader who wants his underlings to see him in a compromising position.”

“Then it’s clear that there are many things you still need to learn about me, Kurt. God damn, that just rolls right off the tongue now, don’t it?”

Kurt smirked, looking up at Negan and batting his eyelashes promiscuously. “Though I’m sure it’ll sound better when you scream it.”

“I guess we’ll have to test that theory.”

“I look forward to it.”

And with that, Negan pulled them both out of the alcove, suspicious bystanders wondering who Kurt was and why the conversation was so heated between the two of them. Most thought that Kurt was in some sort of trouble, which would have made quite a bit of sense giving Negan’s reputation.

“And about the layers, you can take my jacket. Think of it as a fun social experiment.”

“Why would it be an experiment?”

Negan hummed, unzipping his jacket slowly. “Give it…two hours. You’ll see what I mean. Make sure people see you wearing it. When they come calling, tell them whatever the fuck you want, I just want to see what they say to you, someone they’ve never met. Fuck, you’ll even have Simon second guessing himself.”

Kurt chuckled without meaning to, wrapping the black leather jacket around himself, zipping it up. It was infinitely too long on him, the sleeves drowning his arms, but he made it work. Negan looked down and smirked.

“Hold her for a second, would you?”

Kurt frowned until Negan held up Lucille, smiling. Cautiously, Kurt took it…her. Holding it in his left hand, he grinned. “Is this part of the experiment, too?”

“You catch on quick.”

Negan put his arms behind his head, sighing. “You know, it’s not very often I get to do this. Let my skin get some natural light. The leather jacket looks too damn good on me not to wear it. But this is good, too. Freeing, even. It’ll show the rest of these losers that pushups aren’t for nothing.”

Instinctively, Kurt’s eyes flickered to Negan’s biceps, bulging out of the thin tee-shirt he wore underneath. Negan noticed immediately and chuckled.

“Boy, do _you_ help my ego.”

“I’d imagine your ego is already at maximum capacity, if I’m honest.”

“There’s always room for more. One of my mottos in life.”

Kurt looked down at himself, realising that he pretty much resembled Negan from the neck down.

“Have I just been claimed?”

“You what now?”

“Claimed,” Kurt repeated through his teeth. “You know, I’m dressed exactly like you, you’ve made it pretty clear what your intentions are. Is this some kind of warning for people to not mess with me? Like in prison.”

Negan raised an eyebrow. “I never thought of that. Sure, why not. It’s all part of the experiment, Kurt. You’ll see later on, I’m sure. Though if anyone gives you grief about it, you come to me.”

Kurt chuckled. “So I _have_ been claimed. I’m your bitch.”

“You don’t sound as happy about that as you should.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “You’re saying I should be grateful?”

Negan shrugged. “I’m providing you with a place to stay, shelter, food, water. I’d expect a little gratitude along the way. I could just throw you in prison and forget all about you.”

Kurt readjusted his grip on Lucille. “People tried that one already. It doesn’t really appeal to me all that much if I’m honest.”

“It’s not really supposed to. Well, since Simon and Dwight neglected their actual responsibilities to bring you here, I’d better send them back out. Go have a look around the place.”

Kurt looked down. “Don’t you want your bat?”

“ _Lucille_ ,” Negan corrected with a grunt. “And I’ll come and get her later.”

“Bet you will,” Kurt whispered as he turned around, surveying his surroundings with a curious expression. It was like nowhere he had seen since the outbreak began and he wondered how so many people lived in what looked to be a civilised environment for so long without losing it to the Walkers or killing each other.

Kurt quickly turned around and watched Negan walk into the distance, finding the man completely perplexing and that was something that he very much liked. Everybody he had come across on his journey for survival had been so very by the numbers, that he had been able to predict how and when they were going to die. Not literally, of course, but it didn’t take much to comprehend that somebody who was complacent was going to get wiped out on a supplies hunt by a crowd of Walkers that they thought they could handle by themselves. It was full to the brim with stupidity and Kurt found it more amusing than tragic by now.

But Negan was something entirely different. He seemed complacent, but that was because he seemed to have earned it. Being the leader of a large group of survivors didn’t just happen overnight. Negan probably have immense ability and a good, sharp mind to be able to lead the people successfully. Kurt felt himself looking forward to seeing how Negan ran things, looking forward to his days with the Saviours. And it was all very much confusing because Kurt couldn’t remember the last time he looked forward to anything. Well, except being released from the makeshift prison he had been put in all those months ago. Or had it been a year now? Kurt didn’t know.

He tightened Negan’s leather jacket around himself and gripped Lucille firmly, strolling around the base feeling like he was doing cosplay.

Kurt ignored the strange looks that he was receiving, knowing that it would lead to whatever realisation Negan had planned for him to experience later on in the day.

With a wry smile, he peered up towards the sky, realising that this base he was walking around was definitely something. And that something was infinitely better than the nothing he had had before.

Kurt was moving on up in the world. And that didn’t seem to be so much of a bad thing.


	3. Life Around Here

Kurt walked around the Sanctuary for what felt like hours.

He quickly realised just how many different kinds of people inhabited the Sanctuary. As he walked, he passed many nameless faces who just regarded him with a polite nod and then just moved on with their day. He encountered those who just frowned at him and walked away.

And then were the ones who actually approached him, either because of his new face or because of his attire. The jacket was far too big on him and everyone could see that, but it was Lucille that was drawing attention, as Negan had probably factored in.

The first man was completely terrified and acted as though Kurt was the new Negan or something. He rattled off a quick list of transgressions and proceeded to sob about how he deserved penance for the things he had done. Kurt was in no position to rule on that, he guessed that was Negan’s job to deliver punishments, but he advised the man to keep it to himself lest he face the fiery end of Lucille when Negan resumed control. The man was overcome with gratitude but didn’t approach, probably due to Lucille’s presence.

A second man cornered him while he explored the interior.

“I’m here for anything you might need, sir,” he babbled. He leaned a hand on the wall, blocking Kurt’s exit and smirked. “Anything.” His eyes roamed Kurt’s body with all the subtly of a pipe bomb. The man’s hand grasped his crotch over his pants. Kurt simply laughed in his face and grabbed his wrist, contorting it painfully.

“I don’t think I’ll require anything from you at this time. Though maybe if I get _really_ lonely, I just might come and see you.” He smirked, figuring it was always good to keep people on their toes, waiting, expecting, wondering what exactly it is that you might do next.

When Kurt returned to his room, two more visitors arrived. Although, this time, they weren’t as lenient.

“Who the fuck are you?” The taller man barked at him. Kurt simply ran his thumb over the base of Lucille and smirked.

“If you have to ask the question, my answer isn’t going to be of any use to you.” God it felt nice to be a bitch again.

The second man, shorter yet more muscular, rolled his eyes. “Spare us. We know you’re new here but our questions is why you’re dressed exactly like Negan.”

“I’m guessing you’re some sort of adoring sycophant.”

Kurt chuckled. “Nope, that’d be you guys. It’s the only reason you’re in my room right now. Checking up on me, making sure I’m not a threat to Negan or the order of the Sanctuary. Now, if you’d like to leave, I have some things I need to be getting on with.”

They didn’t move.

“So either you’re both aurally impaired or both incredibly stupid. Which one are you going to go with?”

No movement.

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say stupid. If you don’t understand my words, maybe you’ll understand me kicking the shit out of you both until you leave of your own accord. Would you like that?”

The taller man stepped closer and Kurt did the same. He stepped into him and brought his arm to the man’s throat, pushing him against the wall. The second man froze, doing nothing, as he struggled.

“Now, I’ll say this just once for you to try and comprehend. I’m busy and you need to leave. Got it?”

The man nodded sorely.

“Good. Now leave me alone.”

As they scarpered, Kurt heard a low whistle rip through his spine.

“Well you’re looking…like me.”

Kurt blinked stiffly. “What an obvious thing to say.”

“There’s that sass again. And to think I came here just to give you some supplies, things that you’ll need. Some would even say thank you, but I doubt that’s the way you roll.”

Kurt shrugged. “I’m logical enough to know that I’m not above gratitude for services rendered. Thank you, Negan.”

“You got clothes, toiletries, all of the basics until you can move up the ladder and start getting better things.”

“So around here you show ranking and authority by what you… _oh_.” Kurt sighed with a smile stretching across his face.

Negan clicked his fingers. “Now he gets it.”

“You gave me your clothes as a taster of what life around here could be for me. You showed me the top level treatment so I’d be more inclined to stay. That’s pretty clever. Although you could have used other methods.”

“I’m sure we’ll get _there_ at some point. I didn’t want you to be pegged as the Sanctuary Slut.”

“Are you looking out for little old me? You shouldn’t have.”

“Shut _up_.”

A brief silence floated between them as Kurt appraised the fabrics of his new clothes, which silently admitting to himself that he did not want to remove the leather jacket he was currently wearing and return it to its original owner. The reasons were twofold.

One: Kurt liked the smell and the feel of wearing something a few sizes larger than his usual style.

Two: Negan would then proceed to cover himself up and that was something that would not benefit anyone around the Sanctuary, least of all himself. And Kurt didn’t do anything that wouldn’t benefit him in some way.

Their comfortable silence was broken by Kurt’s inquisitive nature.

“How did you get here?”

Negan frowned. “That’s a very open-ended question.” He didn’t usually get questions about his personal life, though he imagined that this would only be the first of many intrusive questions from Kurt.

“You _know_ what I mean,” Kurt rolled his eyes.

Negan waved a hand. “You know the story by now: classic case of wife and children turning, I dealt with it. Long story short, I’m here.”

Kurt pouted. “Not really an answer, but I suspect it’s the most I’m going to get from you.”

“I just shared valuable information with you. I’m gonna need something in return,” Negan replied, raising a brow.

Kurt nodded. “Of course you are. What are you asking for?”

Negan sat still as a smirk grew slowly across his face. “Sing me a song.”

“What?” Kurt didn’t understand. Negan wanted him to…sing? Sing what? Anything?

“Put that pretty mouth of yours to good use and sing me a god damn song.”

Kurt frowned but thought of a song to sing anyway. It pretty much described the situation he and the rest of the survivors found themselves in. He hadn’t sang since Glee Club before the virus hit Ohio and he wasn’t sure how he was going to fare. Being a singer, he hated singing when he didn’t know that he was going to sound his best. He hadn’t warmed up and he didn’t think Negan would take it too well if he just decided to do his scales instead of singing an actual song. He could test his boundaries with the man but he didn’t want to explicitly overstep them. He was sassy; he wasn’t stupid.

 _“I am amazed by all that we can fake,”_ Kurt began softly. Negan’s eyebrows shot up at the tone.

 _“How many days until the levee breaks? I’m out on my perch to watch it all unfold_ ,” Kurt sang, closing his eyes slightly. Acapella wasn’t his favourite, but he could definitely handle it, imagining the music running through him with a song that he had practised and knew like the back of his hand.

 _“When everyone’s changing, arranging, they’re let down. Sleepwalkers waking to carry your soul around. This world is twisted, this world is twisted_.”

Kurt thought about how true the lyrics were. The world _was_ twisted, the world had shifted and morphed beyond his wildest dreams, he had never imagined anything like this happening aside from the horror movies that Tina and Finn always made him watch. He had admitted some liking for them, but they were fiction, not reality. Then he was seeing flesh in the school parking lot and that was it. Reality as he knew it was gone. Then it was fiction, people eating people and scarce amounts of food. Everything turned itself upside down and Kurt was caught in the middle of it.

For the rest of his life until he died.

“ _Push and repeat through all the hollow days. We stare at our feet, content to be afraid. I climb to my perch to watch it all unfold._ ”

Negan nodded his head slightly to the rhythm.

“ _When everyone’s changing, arranging, they’re let down. Sleepwalkers waking to carry your soul around. This world is twisted, this world is twisted._ ”

Kurt took a deep breath and ran through the pause in the piano in his head. Then he prepared himself for the final chorus.

“ _When everyone’s changing, arranging, they’re let down_. _Sleepwalkers waking to carry your soul around. This world is twisted, this world is twisted_.” When he finished, his throat was raw. Singing without warmups caused issues.

“Well, hot diggity _damn_. You got a voice, Kurt. That was a fucking performance.”

Kurt blushed slightly and pursed his lips. “I haven’t sung since this whole thing began. I’ve kind of missed it.”

“How did this begin for you? What’s your story?”

“No, you don’t get a song _and_ a story from me. That’s hardly fair.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t already learned by now, Kurt. I get what I want. Always. So how about you return my things and tell me your story?”

Kurt sighed and realised this was one battle that he wasn’t going to win. “As you wish. In some ways, my life before all of this was worse. There were no undead creatures trying to eat my innards, but I had other things to deal with. People didn’t like me being myself and they made sure I knew it. Towards the end of the world, it got worse. Bullies escalated, I only knew there was a virus outbreak because I was running away from my tormentors and ran into a horde. My bullies ran away and I had to deal with the Walkers alone.

“I did and it was surprisingly easy once I channelled the aggression I was building up onto them. I went home and caught the news. I called my friends, some picked up, some didn’t. By the end of the following day they were all dead apart from two. My best friends, as luck would have it. Unfortunately, they didn’t survive the winter that was to come.”

“But you did…I’m almost impressed.”

Kurt nodded in gratitude and removed the jacket he’d been wearing all day. He felt a shiver wrack through his bare torso and reached for one of the sweaters that Negan had provided for him to wear.

“Finish your story first. The clothes are a reward for your candour.”

“You just didn’t want me to get dressed yet. And my story is finished. I even went into a little bit of detail about the consequences of the outbreak. I told you more than you needed to know which is rare for me. So, I’d appreciate a sweater. Now.” Kurt knew it was a risky move, but risks were what had kept him alive thus far.

“It’s so hot when you’re bossy,” Negan smirked.

Kurt winked. “Oh, you haven’t seen bossy. Not yet.”

“Then how about you enlighten me?”

As Kurt slipped his hand on Negan’s thigh, the door burst open.

“Sorry for not knocking, but we have news.” Kurt growled as he saw Simon and Dwight lingering in the doorway. Worst fucking timing.

“Do you two not understand the concept of privacy?” Negan was surprised when the words didn’t come from him but rather Kurt.

“Sorry. This is important. Negan. You need to hear this.”

“Well, what is it?” Negan waved his hand impatiently.

Simon’s eyes flickered to Kurt.

“Oh, whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll find out soon enough anyway.”

Kurt stared at him smugly.

Dwight swallowed. “There’s a group, sir. They’ve been holding a prison. We overheard them talking about this place. They want it. And they’re going to come for it.”

“How long?”

“Two weeks. They need to gather supplies and wait for people to regroup.”

“Plenty of time. Well, Kurt, looks like you’re about to find out how the Saviours deal with intruders.”

Kurt didn’t hear Negan’s last remark. His mind flickered to the steel bars in front of his eyes, a cold flooring beneath his body as he slept, shivering through the night. The guards taunting him. The blood coating the walls.

He had been captive at the prison. He knew who the Saviours were dealing with.

Negan was about to come face to face with Rick Grimes and company.

And that would not end well for anybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Kurt sings is 'Twisted' by Aron Wright.


	4. Man In Chains

“What’s got you so rattled? You don’t like the idea of war?”

“Something like that.”

“Okay, so it’s a sore spot. Just say so, I ain’t gonna push the issue if you don’t want me to.”

Kurt nodded. “Okay. Though I feel like I should tell you because it might be important.”

“Jesus Christ, Kurt, make up your mind. Tell me or don’t tell me, just pick one.”

“It’s kind a long story, though.”

“I got nothing but time.”

“Well, it must have been about a year ago now,” Kurt began hesitantly.

_Kurt stumbled out of the trees and into the clearing. He fell to his knees, snapping a twig painfully. His whole body ached at this point, like a harsh fire raging through him. He hadn’t slept in a while, hadn’t eaten in even longer and he was starting to reach the end of his tether._

_So many times he’d considered just lying in the middle of the road and letting the Walkers rip him apart, sure it would be painful but anything would beat this._

_He wiped blood from his face and he realised he didn’t know whether it was his or not. He didn’t care._

_“Rick!” A boyish voice shouted._

_Kurt deliriously wondered if that was his name and he should be answering to it. But he didn’t know the voice, so he remained silent._

_“What’s going on, Glenn?”_

_The boy, Glenn, was painting heavily, as though he’d been running. “It’s not a walker, it’s a human. He looks badly hurt, what should I do?”_

_The older, gruffer man, Rick, jogged over. Kurt looked at them both as they spotted him. He couldn’t bring himself to defend himself. He just stared, unmoving._

_Rick walked over, frowning down at Kurt. Kurt brought himself to notice a gun in a holster on his belt. Wouldn’t have been the first time. “Who are you with, kid?”_

_Kurt took in some air, ready to talk, as the world swirled blurrily around him and he collapsed to the floor._

_Kurt woke up in a cold, dark, room._

_It took him six seconds to notice the bars._

_Ten seconds to notice the two guards stationed outside._

_Twelve seconds to notice their guns._

_As Kurt moved from his uncomfortable place on the slightly damp floor, the guards were alerted to his presence and movement._

_“He’s awake,” a woman whispered into the walkie-talkie she was holding. She pointed the gun between the bars._

_“Easy, Maggie,” Glenn muttered. “Look at him, he looks like he’s been through just as much as we have. If we start shooting our own, the Walkers are going to win.”_

_Maggie frowned. “He’s not our own. We don’t even know who he came here with or where they are.”_

_“I came here alone,” Kurt said, surprised at the strength of his voice. He hadn’t used it in a while, could barely remember what it sounded like. That was just his life and how it was now. Whether they believed him or not, he was alone._

_Glenn looked at Maggie pointedly._

_“How long have you been alone?”_

_Kurt shrugged. “I don’t know, exactly. For a while now, I guess.”_

_Maggie narrowed her eyes. “Did they die?”_

_Kurt nodded. “Walkers got them. I had to leave.”_

_Glenn gaped. “You left them to die?”_

_Kurt nodded, expecting the judgement he had been giving to himself for the past however long since it happened._

_“That must have been hard.”_

_Maggie hardened, walking away from the cell completely._

_Glenn smiled kindly. “She’s had it rough recently. By the looks of it, so have you. We all know what it’s like to be alone in this new world.”_

_“What’s going to happen to me now?” Kurt said, pressing his head against the bars. Glenn didn’t budge, which Kurt took to be a good sign._

_Glenn grimaced. “I’m not in charge. If I was, you’d be free to go. But Rick makes the decisions around here.”_

_Rick walked up to him at the moment. “Damn right I do. And you’ve got some explaining to do.”_

_Kurt looked to Glenn haplessly. “What do you want to know?”_

Kurt sighed as he turned to Negan. “They asked me how I survived by myself, wanted to know if I knew anything about some Governor. I’d never heard of him, but they didn’t believe me. Rick thought I was lying, even though Glenn tried to vouch for me. I was held there for what Glenn said was nine weeks without leaving. Food was scarce, water was more so. Company was the one thing I found myself craving most of all. After I stopped focusing on how hungry I was, the loneliness kicked in.”

Negan took it all in with a sad smile. “I’m sorry that they did that to you. What do you know about them? Their infrastructure?”

Kurt bit his lip. “They’re a threat. Even with a setup as big as this one, as seemingly impenetrable, they’re a threat to us. They’re not the biggest group, but they’re smart and resourceful. Rick is their leader, they always look to him for decisions. Think he used to be a police officer. The point is, we should be prepared for when they come. Heavily prepared, because they’re going to storm in and take anything they want.”

Negan raised an eyebrow. “Would they take you?”

Kurt shrugged. “I was a prisoner. I bonded with a few of them, but they never saw me being of any use, so why would they bother?”

“And this Glenn, he won’t try to rescue you?”

Kurt smiled. “Is big bad Negan getting protective?”

“I just want to know if you’re good bait.”

“I’m good at everything I do,” Kurt countered with a hint of a smirk.

“God, I love a bitch,” Negan chuckled hoarsely. “Right, here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to man the watchtower for the next few days and nights, see what you can find out.”

“I haven’t slept yet,” Kurt pointed out. “I won’t be sharp.”

Negan shrugged. “I’ll get Nate to watch while you sleep. There’s a bed in the tower you can use. I think you’ll find it accommodating.”

Negan whistled and Simon scurried back to them, having left while Kurt was telling his story.

Simon looked up expectantly.

“Go get Nate. Tell him to stop what he’s doing and take over watcher duties.”

Simon looked Kurt up and down before flitting away to do Negan’s bidding.

Negan turned back to Kurt. “You know what these people look like. You see any of them anywhere, you sound the alarm. If they’re as dangerous as you say they are, we’ll need to be on our guard.”

“I don’t know how we’re supposed to survive this.”

Negan shrugged. “We have numbers, Kurt. And resources. Rome wasn’t built in a day, remember?”

Kurt took his spot on the watchtower waiting for Nate to arrive so he could rest.

It had been one exhausting day and he couldn’t have been more excited for the arrival of nightfall.

Looking through the binoculars, he scanned the surrounding areas.

Kurt spotted a figure, almost dropping the binoculars off the tower.

 _No_.

He couldn’t sound the alarm.

Kurt made brief eye contact with the man, pressing a finger to his lips.

Glenn stood still, watching him. After a moment, he turned and scurried back into the treeline.

Kurt sighed.

He may have just made a brutal mistake, one that could cost him and the Saviours their lives.

“You Kurt?” A voice sounded from behind him, startling him.

“Make some noise when you walk!” Kurt snapped. “But yes, I am.”

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “I’m Nate. Negan assigned me to the watchtower with you.”

Kurt smiled. “Good to meet you. I should only be out for a few hours.”

Nate shrugged. “No bother to me, it’s pretty warm up here with a nice view. Beats wood collecting any day of the week.”

Kurt collapsed onto the bed, eyes flickering closed. Behind his eyelids he saw images of Glenn and Rick and Maggie and Michionne that danced around his mind.

They would advance with the knowledge of his presence.

They would take anything they wanted.

He flashed back to Negan’s earlier question. Would they take him?

Frankly, Kurt didn’t know the answer.

After what he did when he escaped, he wouldn’t put it past them to want to get their revenge.


End file.
